Love your parents, and let them know you love them

I recently read this famous book called “Tuesdays with Morrie” by Mitch Albom. It was the first time I could remember tearing while reading a book. And I was not in the privacy of my room when I teared. I was standing in a crowded cabin on the MRT, holding the book and blinking my tears back. I guessed the story touched me and made me think a lot. Especially the parts about aging, separation and death.

I could still vividly remember when I was in Secondary Three, the thought of my parents growing old and dying came to me suddenly. I felt very sad after that and I could not seem to get the thoughts out of my mind. I looked at my father and mother, and realized how much they had aged. I could not recall the last time I had really looked at them, studied their wrinkles and appreciated their smiles. The thought of them leaving me one day disturbed me.

Fortunately or unfortunately, I managed to bury those thoughts and carried on with the fast pace in my life. I kept myself busy with studies, ECAs and friends. The thoughts of my parents aging and…dying…were packed and tucked away some where. Somehow these thoughts were then forgotten. After all, death is not something we talk (or think) about freely and openly.

The next time the thought of my parents growing old, and that one day our family is not going to stay the way we are now, came when my brother announced his plans to get married sometime two years ago. Of course I know that one day we (my brother, sister and I) are all going to grow up and start our own families. But something inside me is pleading…can’t we stay this way forever? Can’t we grow up but let my parents stay the way they are?

In the book “Tuesdays with Morrie”, Morrie is an old professor who suffered from a disease that slowly wiped his energy away. First, he could not no longer walk, then he could not pee by himself because he did not have the strength to support his weight. He slowly lost his independence and had to rely on others for everything, including feeding himself and moving his head to rest on the pillow. When asked about the issue of raising kids which people nowadays view as an obstacle to their career and life, Morrie said he would not trade the experience of having children for anything. But, it had a painful price to pay. That is, the pain of parting with his beloved children when he died. That really moved me.

Everyone grows old. This is inevitable. Dying and separation is also part and parcel of one’s life. Morrie is an extraordinary man who embraced aging and courageously faced his impending demise. In a way, he was lucky because he had the time to tell all his loved ones that he loved them, and they too shared their love for him. Most people are afraid to talk about death. We know that one day our loved ones may die and leave us, or we might leave them, but we tell ourselves that the “one day” will be some time far away. We know that although our parents are here with us now and we should not take them for granted, but we take them for granted anyway at times.

When Morrie attended a friend’s funeral and heard people saying how much they loved his friend, Morrie felt it was a great pity because his friend could no longer hear all that. Knowing he himself was dying, he arranged a “living funeral” so that all his loved ones could tell him things that they would have said on his funeral when he passed away. Not everyone is as lucky as Morrie. My point is, we do not need to know that someone is dying or dead to start telling him how much we loved him.

It is sad to live a life with regrets, so while we can, why do we not try to spend more time with our parents, talk to them more often, care for them and try to understand their thoughts? Instead of spending time watching television programmes which have absolutely no personal meaning to us, or playing computer games and chatting online? It is pointless to say that we have no time, or that we have a generation gap with our parents. If you have not really sat down to talk to your parents in days, months or even years, it is never too late to start bridging the gap. If we want to make something happen, we will surely find a way to do it, especially if it is a simple task of talking to our own parents. It may not mean much to us, but it may mean a great deal to them. We may have all the friends we have in the world to share our thoughts and feelings with, but the special relationship and bond we share with our parents is something no one can replace.

I am beginning to realize that not thinking about our parents’ aging and death will not stop that from happening.

Love your parents, and let them know you love them.