The old lady

Something amusing took place on the train today.

I was on the train with a colleague (photographer) on the way to an assignment. It was not too crowded, there was enough standing space, but all the seats were taken up, and we were both standing.

Just then, someone stood up, I signalled to my colleague, in his 50s, to take the seat because I knew of the heavy load (camera and lenses) he was carrying, and I thought it would be good to spare his shoulders the torture. As he moved towards the seat, somebody young beat him to it.

"Aiyoh, you see lah, nobody want to give up their seat to us..." The voice of an old lady (in dialect) rang out from behind me. I turned and saw this old lady standing near the door, one hand on a walking stick, the other holding on to the pole for support.

She half smiled and sighed at my colleague as she said it. I reckoned she saw what happened, and couldn't help it but lament about such a "plight".

Almost right after she said that, a young man stood up, and offered her his seat.

"It's okie, am alighting at the next stop."

Another young lady sitting right in front of her also gestured that she wanted to give up her seat. The old lady declined again for the same reason. The young lady then gave a sheepish and embarrassed smile.

It's funny that there are people on the train who can give up their seatsvto others who need it more than they do, yet they only decide to do so when the poor old lady spoke up. It's like if you want a seat, you have to ask (hopefully not to the extent of begging) for it. Not many people would have the initiative or be considerate enough to actually "volunteer" their seats.

Japan has special carriages on trains for "ladies only" during a certain time of the day, I doubt an "elderly-only" carriage system would work in Singapore, and that would probably not solve the root of the problem as well, but it would certainly be interesting to explore other possibilities.

Bridal studio

Just when I thought things were going to get better, I had an unhappy incident with the bridal studio.

There is something similar between the photographer and the bridal studio which I chose. Both are relatively new. The photographer had a few years of experience as a wedding photographer, but only recently established his own studio. The bridal studio started its business last year, the bosses are friends who were previously from other bridal studios.

They may be in the industry for a while, but they are quite new in their new establishments, and I think that explained their lack of experience and foresight. And well, who can I blame now, for things that are not going as smoothly as I had hoped?

Initially, I decided to use both because we trusted their service and quality, and more importantly, we wanted to give them a chance. Well, if everyone goes for the long-standing shops and photographers, how are the green horns going to gain experience? At least, that was what I thought then.

I guess that's the risk one has to take. Not to mention that their charges are not much lower than the major players in the market.

I chose this new bridal studio because I find that their studio photographs are quite well taken. Their staff are quite friendly and approachable too. My ROM gown selection went quite smoothly, even though there was limited choices.

However, recently when I wanted to fix a date for studio photography, they had apparently no dates at all, all the way until October.

For those who have been through bridal photography, the common practice is to do photo shoots in the studio during the day, before proceeding outdoors in the evening time.

However, the bridal studio told me, as of now, they only have one full day available in mid June. The next alternative would be to do photo shoots on two separate days. Otherwise, I would have to wait all the till October. But my wedding is in November, how will that ever be in time?

I have never heard of such arrangements (to do photoshoots on two days), unless in the event when it rains. The main reason to do photoshoots in a day is to save time for everyone, makeup charges and transportation etc.

I was truly baffled. They told me quite firmly, and rudely, that they have absolutely no other free dates. I then asked them why they had not told me to book the dates earlier? I recall that I have asked them on a number of occasions if I need to settle the studio photography date, but they told me it was still early. And now they say usually they would not go after the customers to fix the date.
This is ridiculous. What if I fall sick (touch wood) on the day I was supposed to do photography? That means I would not get a chance to take pictures? I don't suppose they want me to do it after my wedding?!?!

Anyway, in the end we had to settle for a two-day photography, which means Xiangrong and I have to take 2 days of leave, instead of 1. (Leaves are extremely precious once we start renovation, final wedding preparations and honey moon!) The bridal studio said they would bear all extra costs for arranging for bridal photography on two days, of course they should!

Another bad thing about selecting a new bridal studio is the lack of gown selection. I previously did not think much of this caution given by friends, since I thought, even if the bridal studio has a huge number gowns, I am only going to pick one. So if I can find one that I like, it doesn't matter if they have just tens or hundreds of gowns.

After I went to try on my wedding gown and evening gown recently, I decided to take back my statement.

I managed to find a wedding gown which looks quite nice, but when it comes to evening gowns, I got a shock. Are they trying to dress me as a ge-tai singer or a ma-ma-san? I almost fainted when I saw the gowns (limited again) they gave me to try. I will have to go back again when more gowns arrive (I hope), and the next time, I certainly hope they offer me something better!

40 Degrees

I had fever shock (and dengue scare) for the past five days, and just returned to work today.
Why "fever shock"? Because the fever subsided and just when I thought I was well again, it came back at full force, worse than before.

I am still in the recovering state now, no longer feverish, but am not taking any chances. I shall have to be more careful about what I eat, don't drive myself too hard, drink lots of water and have ample rest.

Last Wednesday:
I woke up with a bit of a sore throat, feeling a slight headache, but I went to work and even a game of badminton after work.On hindsight, I should have just gone home after work. I don't know if that
escalated the fever, but it certainly is silly to exercise when you are sick. After the game, I was pretty sick, and after I got home and bathed, I took panadol and slept early, hoping the fever would go away.

Last Thursday:
It was my off day, and I stayed at home because I was not feeling well. I took my temperature. 37.6 degrees, but luckily it's not too high. By evening time, my temperature went up to 37.9 degrees, my head felt heavy and horrible. I cancelled an original appointment to meet a renovator, and went to see the doctor who gave me medicine for viral fever and medical leave for the next day.

Last Friday:
I woke up still with a slight fever. I took medicine and by noon, my temperature had gone down to 37.2 degrees, almost normal! Great. I am looking forward to the weekend to meet the renovators, shop for furniture, try my wedding gown etc. But by 3pm, I could feel something is not right. My temperature kept going up, from 38 all the way to 39.7! My father took me to the doctor again. This time, he took my temperature, and gosh! It's 40 degrees! He asked me if I wanted to do a blood test there (results will only be known by Sunday) or go to A&E. He suspected dengue because of the high temperature. But because I do not have rashes or other symptoms, he felt it should only be viral
fever and gave me a stronger medication to try. He said if my temperature did not drop by next morning, I would have to go to the hospital straight away. I was quite worried, so were my parents and sister. Once I got home, they quickly placed cold towels on my forehead and changed them every few minutes all the way till midnight. Finally my temperature dropped to 37.5 degrees. And everyone went to sleep, tired but relieved.

Last Saturday:
I still feel a bit weak (and cancelled my appointment with the bridal studio) but other than that, everything seemed okie, I stayed at home for the most part of the day to recuperate.

Yesterday:
I went out to meet renovators, the weather was very hot. Just before I went to sleep, I started to feel a bit unwell. I woke up at 1am because it was too hot. I quickly drank water and took my temperature. 38.6. Oh dear! I then took medicine and went back to sleep, hopefully everything will be fine.

Today:
Oh yes, the fever is gone (please don't come back again!). I hope I get well soon.

Low EQ photographer

This is the worst day I have had since I started wedding preparations.

The person who got me so angry is none other than the wedding photographer, with the super low EQ. I wanted to to tell all brides-to-be not to engage him, but I guess some people may have an amazing level of tolerance to deal with someone with such low EQ. I will caution my friends though.

It is going to be a rather long story, but such a maddening day certainly deserves some record.

It's been a long time since I was so pissed off with someone, and I hate to use the P word, but no other word seemed to be able to describe how I feel.

I had made arrangements to collect my house keys tonight, and meet the photographer to collect ROM photos on Friday night. My weekends are already packed with other arrangements.

This morning, the housing agent informed that she had made a mistake while arranging for the handover date. It turned out that the handover was on Friday, not Thursday.

This meant that photographs collection had to be either shifted forward to Thursday, or be postponed to next week.

I reckon it would be too rushed to change the appointment last minute, but I still smsed the photographer to give it a try. He could not make it.

I then asked if we were to stick to the original plan (Friday), could we change the meeting place from Cityhall to Paya Lebar or Marine Parade (which is nearer to Xiangrong's workplace)?
His reply was, "I will not be in that area", with no further explanation.

I understand he may already have made other plans, and he really could not make it, but can't he say it in a nicer manner? "I will not be in that area" sounds like he does not even want to try. Is that the service he should be providing for the rate he is charging? It sounds like a big joke. If he had told me nicely that he is unfortunately unable to make it, then I'll just postpone the meeting to next week.

Perhaps I have over-reacted, but I am not making a fuss for nothing, and this is not the first time he has displayed how inflexible and how low EQed he is. The day when he took my ROM photos, my sister quietly said to me, "I hope you did not engage him as your actual day photographer." I did, and I have already paid a deposit. My mother-in-law told me to change him, and my mother said the same thing. Some friends also shook their heads. That's another long story to tell, but in short, even though nobody has seen the photographs he took, nobody gave the thumbs up for his performance that day.

So today, when he sent such an sms, I got a bit upset and I frankly texted him, "Ok. I seriously think you should be more service oriented, and brush up your skills in that aspect. That's the reason why I wanted to meet up and give you feedback rather than just collect the photos. We’ll make arrangements again next week."

I had no qualms about showing my displeasure. I had really planned to feedback to him how unhappy my family was with him during ROM. You might think I should have been a bit kinder to the poor fellow who might genuinely have reasons for not being able to accommodate to my schedule, but wait till you see his reply (in its full context).

"That's y I set up my studio for me to meet my couples properly. I cant run all over spore. If couples hv prob meetin e time, I can offer to meet em elsewhr in town, whc we'v fixed. I'm hvg dnr 4 mum's day this evening n if we cant fix an agreeable time, its nt my fault. Each of us hv our own schedule!"

What the...?!?!

Firstly, my final suggestion was to meet on Friday evening (which is tomorrow, and not today), so what has his mother's day celebration got to do with me? If he cannot understand proper English, then it is his problem.

Secondly, I don't care why he set up his studio, that's his own business. I am only concerned with collecting my photos. And he makes it sound like he is making a big sacrifice to "offer" to meet elsewhere. For goodness sake, he gets paid for his service!

Thirdly, by saying that it is not his fault when we can't fix an agreeable time, is he implying it is my fault? I certainly don't think he means it is nobody's fault, otherwise why mention it at all? And you can tell he does not think he has a problem, the problem is with me!

I almost could not believe my eyes when I saw his sms. Why did I pay such a big sum of money for such rotten service?!?!

Any idiot can tell that this is certainly not the way to do business. And further more, he is a wedding photographer, and communication and interaction in this line is extremely important.

He tried to call me after sending this outrageous sms but I ignored him. You think I would subject myself to anymore unreasonable treatment after this? Fat hope. And what does he want to say after sending such a message? Give the-oh-so-petty-bride a dressing down in his oh-so-super-low-EQ voice? I am not interested to find out. After I deliberately missed his call twice, he sent me another sms. This time in a milder tone.

"My schedule's determined by my couples. I'v an appt tmr b4 u in my studio n aft u in town. Tt's y I cant go dwn to e east. I dun drive also. I wish I can accommodate u. I welcome ur feedback"

Hello mister, I don't drive too, but haven't you heard of the term "taxi"?

According to the SMRT travel times as listed on the website, to travel from the MRT station nearest his studio to Paya Lebar takes about 18 minutes, from that same station to Cityhall takes about 8 minutes. Oh, so he wanted to save that precious 10 minutes of his time. To get from Paya Lebar to town requires about 15 minutes, from Cityhall, it's about 5 minutes. That 10 minutes to him also makes a big difference. (This is only based on the MRT travel times, I can't possibly estimate how fast or slow that fellow walks.)

So you see, it is not that he cannot accomodate, but for his own convenience, he does not even want to try. He does not want to make life tiring and difficult for himself, and he is not willing to take a cab should he need to rush. And he says he welcomes my feedback. What a nice way of putting it. What does he expect me to say? Apologize or compliment him for his professional unyielding attitude?

I will probably calm down and forgive that fellow in a few days (because Xiangrong says we should be nice and forgive and forget), but for now, I don't want to deal with him, and I've thrown this difficult task to poor Xiangrong, who unfortunately has no choice to endure him (Sorry!). But I think he has a slightly higher tolerance level in dealing with such low EQ people.

Quarter-Life Crisis?

Recently, I borrowed a book from the National Library. It was the title of the book (or rather three big words) that attracted me.

TWENTY SOMETHING
THE QUARTER-LIFE CRISIS OF JACK LANCESTER
By Iain Hollingshead

The book cover reads "Funny, rude and entertaining...will strike a chord with anyone who is, was or will be a twenty something".

I have not read much of the book, but the words "Quarter-life crisis" makes me want to find out more. After all, at 25, I am in danger of facing this crisis.

Lately, the term "Quarter-life crisis" (QLC) has popped up a few times in conversations with my peers.

I have friends who changed jobs to seek a different career, some are not happy where they are, some wished they could achieve more, a few want to further their studies, others feel they should be getting more recognition for what they have accomplished.

All these feelings may not be directly linked to the so-called QLC, but it may have played a part one way or another.

I think for a lot of people who are twenty something would at some point or another have a certain uncertain feeling about the path ahead.

It is at this mid twenties point in time when we realised we are approaching the big 3 and we no longer have so much youth to "squander". It is also at this time when you start to look at life a bit more seriously. All sorts of questions fill your mind. Is your life working out the way you want? Is this the life you want? Are you doing what you like?

A high-achiever friend lamented that she does not seem to be accomplishing as much as she wants to, and she actually wants to do a lot more than she is doing now. A sense of dis-satisfaction fills her, and somehow she feels unhappy, even though she appears to be doing well.

I think it is good for one in his or her twenties to do a report card for oneself. It gives an idea of what one has done and also make careful considerations if the right path has been chosen at this juncture.

It would not be true to say "youth is running out" at twenty something, but it is certain that one is no longer a child, and life has to be taken more seriously from now on.

Quarter-life crisis has not really caught on me yet, but for those who are feeling bothered, there is nothing wrong with that. In fact, it is good because if you feel a sense of uneasiness, it shows you have indeed matured.

To deal with QLC, I only have one suggestion, ask yourself, are you happy with your current state of life, and what do you think will make you happy?

Once you are happy from deep within, I believe QLC will vanish by itself.

Hello Mrs Low!

15-04-2007

The day I become Mrs Low.

For the past two weeks after my ROM, I have been busy sorting out photographs, uploading images, and looking through the photographs a few times a day without getting tired of them.

I think that’s what happens to newly weds, especially brides. =P

Some of our friends who saw the photographs that day commented that my gown looks really lovely (I hope they meant I look lovely too! =P). There is this really funny story behind my ROM gown that I have to share with you. I still can’t help laughing whenever I think of it now.

The gown was provided by the bridal studio as part of the bridal package. As I am rather petite, it is not easy to find a gown that suits my size. When Xiangrong and I went to the bridal studio for our first ROM gown fitting, we picked it immediately.

This gown comes with a green ribbon in front. Most of the gowns I have seen so far do not have green ribbons, ribbons are usually in shades of pink or rosy colours.

I like the gown, because the cutting fits me almost perfectly, but there is just something about the green ribbon that makes me uncertain.

Nevertheless, we settled on the gown, and took some candid photographs at the bridal studio. However, when we showed our family and friends photographs of the gown later, most of them shared my sentiment that the green ribbon looks “funny”.

Our first ROM gown fitting

With such a thought tugging at the back of my mind, Xiangrong and I made a second trip back to the bridal studio, hoping to try on other gowns. We went through almost the entire ROM collection (there wasn’t too many choices, as the studio is a relatively new one), but still could not find a better one. Initially the gown designer told me it was not possible to change the ribbon (I think because it was sewn from the inside of the gown), but when she saw that I look kind of disappointed, she agreed to help me change the ribbon. That seemed to have solved all problems!

Just then, a lady who accompanied her sister and the groom to the studio for their actual wedding day gown fitting, told me, “We really couldn’t help it, but when we saw that you wanted to change the ribbon colour, we were quite disappointed. We thought the green colour makes the gown special and outstanding! If it had been some normal pink colour, it would have looked so normal.”

The bride-to-be added. “I wanted to pick this gown for my ROM because of the green ribbon, but I couldn’t fit it. It was so sad!”

Xiangrong and I had a good laugh then, imagine, strangers who watched us (or me rather) comically trying on so many different gowns and then couldn’t hold it anymore, and told us that they felt the green ribbon actually looks stunning! And as you guessed, we decided to stick with the green ribbon. And the rest is history.

While planning for our ROM, we decided to come up with our own invitation card design. I like the cute feel, and Xiangrong came up with this brilliant idea of a comic, while I sketched it out. We also named our ROM "Mr Nice Guy and Miss Cute Gal's Big Event of the Year". Xiangrong has always been known as "Mr Nice Guy" to his friends, while I am the self-proclaimed Miss Cute Gal! Haha! That was so fun and we even printed the comic on t-shirts! Here's a glimpse of it!


I never thought I would not be able to sleep on the night before ROM, but I did! I don’t know if it I was too nervous or was it because I slept too early, but anyway, I tossed and turned and soon, it was time to wake up!

It is difficult to describe the feeling I had on that day, elation would be an understatement. All I know is I just couldn’t stop laughing and smiling the whole day!

The makeup artist arrived at my home at 9.15am. By that time, I was already all dressed up in my gown. Makeup really does wonders, as I have learnt once again. However, Xiangrong and I initially had the concept of a “sweet” bride to suit my image, but the makeup and hairdo did not exactly turn out the way we had envisioned. It kind of made me look more mature and grown-up then I usually appear (oppz!), but I would say I liked it nevertheless, except that the cute tiara’s role seemed to be downplayed, or did anyone notice the tiara at all?

I bought a 4-inch high heel for ROM (I wanted 5-inch to match Xiangrong’s height, but I could not find any of a reasonable price), and luckily for me, it was quite comfortable and I did not fall down!

With our families and friends

Snapshots of the day:

*When we arrived at ROM, I saw the photographer whom we engaged for ROM as well as our wedding say, snapping away about 200 metre away. He looked just like paparazzi! And us, just like celebrities!

*Just before our turn to ROM, Xiangrong and I walked up the steps to “Love that Binds”, when somebody said, “Be careful, don’t fall!” Just then, I let out a ear-piercing scream! No, no, I did not fall down, but I stepped on my gown right after this comment was made! I couldn’t stop laughing after that!

*I felt quite nervous during the solemnization ceremony, and I kept looking into Xiangrong’s eyes and squeezing his hands tightly for support. He did the same, I bet he was jumpy too! I can’t exactly remember what we said, I think I was so tense that I just repeated whatever the solemnizer said! And the funny thing is, we were not made to say “I do” throughout the whole session. Did the solemnizer forget or does this statement only appear in the movies?

*After the solemnization, we proceeded to Fort Canning Park for some outdoor shots. This was when we took some really funny photos. Many people who saw those photos later commented they were really hilarious! I think it started off with Weidong who went to pull Xiangrong as though he was “snatching” him away from me, then the other guys joined in! And the funny photographs naturally emerged.

*Then it was the girls' turn. Initially they were a bit shy, and the shots did not turn out well. The photographer was thinking of giving up when one of the girls said firmly, “Let’s try it again!” And they all sportingly geared up for round 2 of the shots which turned out really well! I felt really touched when I saw that! A beaming couple with supportive friends, what more could I ask for?

*After we finished the shots and were on our way back to ROM, somebody asked why I did not throw my hand bouquet. So there and then I decided to do just that. I even practised throwing the ring pillow twice to make sure I could throw it such that the girls could catch it. Guess who caught the hand bouquet?

I felt really glad that our families and good friends were able to join us on this joyous occasion. Among our good friends, we were the first to be ROMed, so it was quite an excited affair for all. For some, it was the first time attending an ROM. It’s like everyone is not very sure what the standard procedure is (but then again, there’s really no so-called standard procedure, every wedding has its own hiccups), and everyone is equally curious and keyed up.

Now that I am officially married, I feel quite different, but I cannot exact say what kind of feeling that is. I think it is a mixture of excitement (for the traditional wedding dinner in November, for the renovation of the house, for the rest of the wedding plans) and happiness. And yes, I need to get used to being called Mrs Low! =P

A new phase of life

This was first published in the newspaper on 18-3-2007.

迈入人生新旅途

如果把一个人的一生当作是一个百年旅途，那么到了25岁，就算是走过了四分之一的人生。　　来到这个阶段，总觉得才算是正式迈入了成人的世界。　　

今年25岁的我，也将以“大人”的身份，做出我生命中最大的决定——和心爱的人携手走上红地毯！　　

当我向朋友宣布这个消息时，朋友的第一反应都是：“这么快？”　　

在本地，女生结婚的平均年龄是27岁，男生则是30岁，按照目前都市人的结婚趋势来看，我确实快了两年，年纪比我大两岁的男友更是快了3年。　　

去年底，我和交往4年的男友做出这个重大的决定，希望一起步入生命的另一个阶段。　　和我同龄的朋友当中，我算是头几个决定结婚的女生。　　

遇到好的对象，决定结婚是一件值得庆祝的事。当一开始的浪漫气氛和恭喜声逐渐沉静下来，迎面而来的竟是筹备婚礼的种种繁琐事。　　

要结婚，最重要的是要熬得过筹备那一关。我听说有些情侣就是因为在这个时候大闹意见，结果最后连婚事都吹了。　　

以前我天真地以为只要搞定了注册、买房子和摆婚宴这3件事，就可以开开心心结婚了。后来，我才发现这3件事延伸开来的大小事还真多。　　

首先要做财务预算，看看两人有多少财力，接着要选好日子，决定在哪里摆婚宴、找地方、看场地、谈合约、拟定邀请名单；再来要申请组屋、选环境好的、价格合理的组屋、敲定后要物色装修商；还要找婚纱店、选礼服、找摄影师和录影师、计划婚礼节目、召集兄弟团和姐妹团、计划蜜月旅行……难怪很多人都说，结婚要花1年的时间来规划，否则事情多起来，很容易产生婚前恐惧症。　　

每个人的婚礼都不同，每个人对婚礼的要求也不同，因此世界上根本找不到真正的“结婚秘笈”。就算周围的过来人提供再好的建议，最终还是要由你和另一半来选择你们要走的路。

我嘛，结婚的筹备工作已经如火如荼地展开，但还是很难想象1年多前，我才刚大学毕业，如今工作不到两年，而不久后我就将从“黄小姐”升级成为“刘太太”！　　

和我一样正在筹备或准备完成终身大事的朋友，过程虽然辛苦，但这相信会是将来让你回味无穷的时光，好好享受吧！

After the article was published, an old friend messaged me and "scolded" me for not telling her about my marriage plans earlier. (I'm sorry, I meant to do it face-to-face, but time is not on my side!) I got a congratulory message from a reader, although he was puzzled why I publicly announced a personal affair. A colleague jokingly mentioned MCYS should look for me to be their mascot, since my plans are so in tune with the government policy. Another colleague who was married, said I brought back fond memories of the time when he was preparing to get married.

I'm so glad he said that. This was one of the reasons why I came up with this piece. Marriage is an experience that one will get only at this stage of life, and one will understand the many things involved only if you have been through it personally.

I hope it brought a smile to those who are getting married, and those who were already married.


P.S. A single-but-not-available colleague joked that the list of "Things to do" might scare off potential wedding couples, like herself! I hope you are not one of them!