Do you stay overnight at...?

A few days ago, I happened to hear a mother complaining about her son’s girlfriend.

“She always comes to our house to stay over, once in just a few days. Doesn’t she have her own house and bed? Why must she come to my son’s room to sleep over?”

“Every time she comes to our house, she will not greet anybody and will just go straight to the room and then the two of them will shut themselves up in the room. What in the world are they doing inside?”

Her conclusion: this girl is indecent and she dislikes her behaviour.

Later on, I discussed this issue with a 50 plus-year-old uncle.

He said, “Things are different now. In the past, people do not stay over at their boyfriend’s or girlfriend’s house. Nowadays, couples who are not married go on long holidays together. Some even cohabit.”

“You can’t really say whether the girl or guy is indecent or not, because a lot of people do that nowadays. The society has changed.”

From my point of view, I feel that whether a couple should stay overnight at each other’s house or go on holiday together, depends largely on the couple’s maturity and the stability of their relationship.

If it is a young couple, and either party is having a “playful” mentality, then I would strongly discourage them. The thing is, there is always the chance of “making a mistake at the spur of the moment”.

However, if the couple is serious and responsible about the relationship and is considering marriage in the future, I think they should be allowed their freedom to choose.

Nevertheless, speaking from a girl’s point of view, I would not disapprove, but I would not encourage.

I guess although the society has progressed much, there are still certain areas that are to a girl’s disadvantage. And the worst thing is for a girl to be labeled as “indecent” or to be projected in such bad light.

For example, if a girl frequents bars and pubs, guys love to ask her out to “chiong”, but behind her back, they call her a “loose” woman and other awful names.

Some people say, “Why bother so much about what other people think?” Simply because, we do not live in a world of our own, if we do, then there is no need to care about what other people say.

A lot of people ask me why I did not go on a holiday with my boyfriend after my graduation. The truth is, my father does not like me to go on a holiday with a guy alone, or to stay over at a guy’s house. He says that girls should not appear too “easy-going” in that sense, no matter how close the boyfriend or guy friend is. I do not really agree with him because I feel that I am old and mature enough to know what to do and what not.

But still, I listened to him. I respect his thinking and I can understand his concern, and most importantly (call me old fashioned) when I put myself in his shoes, I know that once I become a parent next time, I would not want my girl to stay over at a guy’s house or go on holiday alone too.

In the case of the mother who complained about her son’s girlfriend, I do not think she ever told the girl she did not like her to stay over, and she might even have told her to “come over more often”. But the truth is, sometimes, people do not say what they think.

In a nutshell, and the harsh truth as well, for girls, sometimes, we just have to be a little bit more mindful about our actions.