I look like an ah lian, now

You can call me an ah lian, for now.

Don’t worry, I have not been led astray or anything to that extent. It is just that I look like an ah lian now. Or at least my hair colour does.

I went for hair styling yesterday, and got myself a new highlight.

I got a shock when I stared into the mirror after the highlight was done.

There were two gold streaks across my fringe. The highlight on the rest of my hair was pretty normal, all except for that two long streaks. It was not light brown or pale yellow. It was solid, golden GOLD.

“AH!” I gave a yelp when I saw that look. “Why did it turn out like that?”

The hairdresser was surprised at my reaction.

“It is nice, isn’t it? It is too boring to have the same kind of natural highlight just like everyone on the street. It is good to have a change and to be different sometimes.”

I used to think that way too. When I was in year one in university, there was once when I dyed my hair twice in a day because I felt that the hair colour was not gold enough.

My opinion then was, if you want to dye or highlight your hair, it means you want to stand out and be unusual. It was an obvious option to pick the most stunning and outstanding hair colour. What’s the point of choosing dark brown colour or anything similar to that when it would probably not show up much on your hair? What is the point of dyeing your hair when nobody knows or detects the change?

A few years down the road, my thoughts are now pretty different.

I do not want to be too outstanding, but would rather do things that are “safe”, with guaranteed success. In a nutshell, now I prize “security” and “ordinary” over “exceptional”.

Right now, I would choose to highlight my hair even in dark shades, as long as it suits my look.

This change in mindset probably came with maturity and age. It seems that as one grows older, one prefers to do things on the “safe side” (or is it just me?).

In a twist of unexpected events, I ended up with the two golden streaks that even made me dread going to work today. But nevertheless, I made my way warily to the office, holding my head low as I walked in. Thank goodness the day went smoothly!

With an informal poll of 10 people today, 2 said my hair looks good (including my boss who gave the comment voluntarily, that was a big consolation!), 5 looked apologetic and said I just had to get used to the colour, 1 asked me kindly if I am thinking of dyeing my hair black again, 1 demanded to know what blow I had suffered that made me undergo the sudden (she actually meant disastrous) transformation, while the last 1 could not see what was the big fuss over the hair colour.

Quoting my boss, “It is good to have a change. Makes one look more refreshed too.”

Yes, it is a good idea to make changes to one’s life once in a while, but I think I would prefer to look like a plain Jane than a so called chao ah lian.

Well, for now, I will not dye my hair black. I will learn to live with the colour and get used to it for a while.

(On hindsight, I think my friend was quite right, what was the big fuss about? It rather amused me that such a small thing like hair colour could keep my mind occupied for a day. Ha!)

Re-evaluation

It is one of those days when I sit back and re-evaluate my life.

"Reflection" would have been a suitable term to use too, but I prefer the term "re-evaluation". To reflect on one's life seems to suggest that there is something undesirable about the current situation, and that one has to give it some thought in order to improve it. To me, re-evaluation means to look back and make checkings on what one has done so far, and what more one can do.

I made a mental checklist:
- Am I totally satisfied with my life? (I don't think so)
- Am I happy with my job? (Yes)
- Am I missing out on something? (I think so)
- Is there something I want to do but am not doing? (Perhaps)
- What is that then? (No idea)

I have a generally busy life. I said "generally" because whenever I am not working, I would feel rather "free". So much so that I would feel like I am not doing enough to make my life enriching and meaningful.

I look at some people who make their life so packed with activities that at the end of the day, they seem to be just caught up in the busy flow of life, but fulfilling? That is questionable.

That is not what I want.

But I admit that I am a workaholic, I do not like to remain in a "slacking" state. For five days a week, I am kept busy with work and off days are meant to be days for one to rest and recharge. But yet I am trying to fill up those two days each week with activities. You must think I am torturing myself. But, no. I just want to do something more than simply revolving around work, family and friends.

But the question is, what?

Learn a new language? At the moment, I have no particular inclination towards learning any language. It is useless to try and master a language without any interest in that area.

Be a volunteer? A friend recently asked me to join her in some volunteer activities. But with my rather irregular working times, I am unable to commit to those activities regularly, and it does not make sense to me to be just a "guest" helper.

Learn a new skill? There is nothing on my mind right now.

Take up a leisure hobby? I did consider aerobics or dancing. These are healthy activities which are good exercises as well.

But, you see? I just cannot make up my mind.

Sometimes, it is so easy to just stick to the routine in one's life and go with the flow of things. After a while, things become stagnant and we get so accustomed to our life that no changes seem necessary. We even become resistant to changes. Nevertheless, this is also the time when we become trapped under inertia and remain contented seeing things from the perspective of a frog in a well.

I do not want to live my life just like this. I can do something about it, and I know it.

I just need more motivation.

Any ideas?

Marriage

While friends of my age are busy craving out a career for themselves and enjoying the freedom of single hood, at 23, I do not mind getting married or even having a few children.

The reactions from my friends are almost identical.

“You must be joking, aren’t you? Why would women nowadays want to get married at such a young age? Even if they do, most women would not want to have children so soon, right?”

According to statistics, Singaporean women have the tendency to marry late, the average age that local women march down the wedding hall is 27.3.

In a few years time, I would reach this “average” age.

I am not crazy or mad.

I can fully understand that modern women want to have a career; they yearn to enjoy life to the fullest while they are still young.

But when women forsake marriage for reasons being that they want to concentrate on their profession, or because they are too tied up with work, I think it is not worth it.

I know of a woman in her 30s who has a boyfriend who treats her very well. Her boyfriend proposed to her a couple of times, but every time she declined, citing reasons that her career is her first priority. She told me that she is financially and emotionally independent, and she does not need a man to bind her down so soon.

In her opinion, people divorce because they took a wrong step in the first place—getting married.

This kind of mentality is very common among the singles who priced single hood above all.

You can say I am old-fashioned or conservative; all I feel is that marriage is a process everyone should go through in life, be it in the olden traditional times or modern society today. Having children and bringing them up is a career for life.

In my opinion, should you meet someone whom you feel is suitable to spend your life with, you should seize the chance.

(This piece first appeared in Chinese, in the morning edition of Shin Min Daily News, 12/11/2005, Saturday. I shall be posting a copy of that soon! Stay tuned!)

How should one blog?

Sometime ago, I watched this Channel U talkshow on TV. On that particular day, they discussed about blogs, blogging and of course bloggers.

A lawyer, a secondary school teacher and two bloggers were invited as guest speakers on the show. One of the blogger works in the media industry, while the other one is probably Singapore's most well-known (notice I did not say most popular) female blogger "Xiaxue".

One of the issues discussed during the show was: Should bloggers write in proper English?

The teacher told Xiaxue that many of his students read her blog, and that he noticed her blog was often written in broken, colloquial English, and frequently contained foul language. Moreover, she was not abashed in discussing sensitive, sensual and sexual issues. He then asked her if she could start writing in better English and on other topics so as not to allow the teenagers who frequent her blog to be led “astray”.

Her reply was: “If you think that my blog is not suitable for your students, you should teach your students not to read my blog, and not to ask me to change my writing style.”

She has a point. But, I beg to differ.

Yes, I agree that a blogger has the right to write in either proper English or broken English. He is also free to write about his own life, his thoughts or other issues as long as they are not offensive to others.

But, why write in broken English when you know proper English? Why discuss about measuring the size of penises if you have more intellectual and meaningful thoughts to share?

I feel that blogging serves the same purpose as the mass media.

The role of the mass media is to inform, educate and entertain.

Journalists write columns which are published in the newspapers. Similarly, bloggers write entries which are posted on the internet.

There must be a certain message that the journalist wants to send across to the general public when he writes. Likewise, the blogger has to have something that he wants to tell his virtual readers. That is, of course, if we are talking about responsible bloggers.

Xiaxue explained during the show why she wrote about sexual topics and why she blogged in broken English. Her reason was short and obvious, “Because that is what people like to read.” She pointed out that there are so many blogs out there which uses proper English and talks about meaningful stuff. But, the thing is, nobody reads them.

I do not mean that bloggers have to preach and blog about dull issues. But I feel that bloggers need not be swayed and manipulated by their virtual readers. Especially those bloggers who have made it big. For them, all the more they should have integrity, social responsibility and uphold a sense of morality in what they write, because what they write may have an influence on somebody else’s, or even many other people’s life.

My friend commented that this set of thinking does not apply to Xiaxue, because she started off writing in that way, and became famous because of the type of things she writes and her writing style.

Nevertheless, I feel that once a blogger has successfully attained the aim of reaching out to the masses, it is time to move on to a higher level. To improve and not degrade.

There is nothing wrong to discuss about sensual or sexual issues, but surely nobody would not like to be remembered as the blogger who takes pleasure in discussing about the size of penises?