Time for a haircut

My hair was getting slightly long and untidy, and on Sunday morning I reckoned it is time for a haircut.

Sometimes, I really envy girls with long hair. With short hair like mine, what I can do to change my hairdo is to cut my hair shorter, and then it will lead to a longer wait for the hair to grow long and restyle it. There seems to be so much more you can do to style long hair. Perm, curl, straighten, rebond…...

It seems like it is a “girl-thing” to change hairstyle regularly. Apparently, a lot of girls do that to get a new look after having the same hairstyle for some time.

When girls get stressed up by school or work, it is time to change the hairstyle for a change of luck. When a relationship ends, the time has come for girls to cut their hair and have a clean break. When girls feel that things are too stagnant in life, it is time to visit the salon to change the hairdo and make themselves look different. When things are getting out of control, girls can go for a haircut and it makes them feel that despite everything else, they are still able to make decisions and hold on to the reins of their life.

Obviously changing one’s hairstyle will not have much influence on how things are going. But, it makes one look different, and most importantly, it makes one FEEL different. I think that is the biggest reason why a lot of girls like to pop down to the salon. If you go to the salon feeling lethargic and looking listless, after getting a haircut and you look into the mirror: “Wow, who is this energetic, pretty girl?” All at once, you will feel rejuvenated.

Of course, there are other ways to change one’s appearance, but what painless, faster and cheaper antidote is there to turn the world right-side-up, than getting a haircut?

No matter why a girl goes to the salon, guys out there, listen up. Never tell a girl that her new hairdo looks awful, especially if it really looks horrid. Do you know how much it hurts? This is the time when girls would appreciate a white lie.

How would you feel if you have stepped into a salon, full of hope for a good change, and your hairstyle looks worse than before? And worse off, some insensitive guy has to sprinkle salt on your wound by rubbing it in. I had that experience before, and had it not been for my last stroke of sanity, I would have given that sarcastic guy a good dressing down.

I always feel that going for a haircut is like taking a risk. You are kept in suspense because you do not really know how the “end product” looks like, until you reach the end of it. Perhaps that is what is good about having a haircut. You just sit and wait for the “unknown” to be revealed, and not much thinking is involved. At the end of it, you can give a big cheer if you look better than before. If it is worse, you sulk a bit and console yourself that your hair will grow long soon anyway.

Girls have the privilege to play with the kind of hairstyles they want. This somehow makes life a little more interesting. Sorry guys, I think most of you are missing out on the fun part here.

I have had my haircut, is it time for yours?

Am I spying on your blog?

Do not get mistaken. I am not going to zoom in on the big commotion lately on how some people felt they were “spied” on, when they were slammed for what they wrote against other races or authorities in their blogs.

A lot of people blog these days.

Some people treat it as a personal web diary where they talk about things that are closest to their hearts, and the blog is meant only for their closest ones to read. Some used it to keep in contact with their family and friends whom they may not see to often, and to update one another. Some used it to vent off their frustrations in school or at work, record their happiness, or to keep their memories of someone or something alive. Some used it to manipulate others’ political or social opinions. Others like me, simply love to write and share their general thoughts and perspectives.

A lot of people link their friends’ blogs to their blogs too.

This means that if I read someone’s blog, there might be a link on his blog to his friend’s blog. I might, out of curiosity or simply because I had time to kill, surf into the friend’s blog to read. If I enjoy reading it, I might go back again.

Because this person is a complete stranger, even if I read the blog and felt strongly towards a particular entry, I will simply keep it to myself and not post a comment.

He does not know who I am, but what if he knows that I am reading his blog, and feels that I am spying on him?

I am not sure if anybody out there feels this way, but I think there are probably some, especially for those whose blogs are more personal.

I, for one, do not feel so. In fact, I love to have people, even those who do not know me to read my blog. At least, they could judge objectively if I am making sense.

In my opinion, a blog is very different from a diary you keep locked in your drawer. Once you write something on your blog, you have to be responsible for it. If there is something you want to get off your chest but you do not want others to know who you are, then do not put it in your personal blog. If you are saying, “I just want some people to know, but not some others.” Then you have come to the wrong place to vent off your frustrations, because anything you post on the world wide web is practically for one and all to read. We have seen how people who were not given the urls or passwords of some blogs, were able to read the contents of the blogs. This just goes to show how much blogs can be protected on the web. Even if the actual blog could not be read, the contents could still be easily reproduced.

If you do not want to be responsible for your words on the web, try writing a diary and keep in under locks.

"Must be a lady driver!"

I recently started taking driving lessons. To tell the truth, I have only had two lessons. And that was enough for me to make an important conclusion—I do not like to drive. There are simply too many things to take note of while driving!

Adjust seat. Adjust rear view mirror. Fasten seat belt. Depress brake. Release handbrake. Slowly release brake. Step on accelerator.
“I am on the road! So far so good.”
Signal left. Look right for cars traveling straight ahead. Check blind spot from behind left shoulder. Check rear view mirror for traffic behind. Turn steering wheel.
“Am I turning fast enough? Should I turn the steering wheel more? How much more? Do I step on the brake? Or the accelerator? I think it’s the brake. Or is it the accelerator?”
Oncoming car in opposite right lane turning left.
“Do I have the right of the way? Should I wait for the car to go first? I think I should go first, or should I wait? I think……”
*HONK!*
Step hard on accelerator. Car jerks forward. Car swirls a little off lane, almost hitting kerb. Approaching red traffic light. Depress brake. Traffic light turns green. Release brake. Step on accelerator. Sweat.
“My foot is getting tired, my eyes are tired, my brain is dead, when is this ever going to end?”

So you see? Driving is simply not my cup of tea.

When someone meets a lousy driver on the road, the first thing he is likely to exclaim is, “Must be a lady driver!” And it is not just the men who say that, even the women echo in unison. When the lousy driver really turns out to be a lady, people exclaim, “See, it’s a woman? No wonder.”

Are all lousy drivers women? And are all women lousy drivers? Before the ladies reading this flare up in anger and knock me on the head with your 3-inch high heels, let me put it this way: perhaps not all, but most? I do not think so, but I am not sure, and allow me to elucidate, “I am a lousy-driver-in-the-making, but that has nothing to do with me being a girl! At least I think not.”

A female friend remarked that the car industry is a man’s world and vehicles are mainly designed by men. This puts women at a disadvantage, because men and women think and react differently, and thus it is likely that women would have difficulty controlling a men-designed car.

All right, so ladies claim that men-designed cars are difficult to maneuver. In the 2004 Geneva Motor Show, a team of women designers and engineers presented a Volvo “Your Concept Car” (YCC) specially designed to be “particularly attentive to women's needs”. You would have thought the ladies would leap in joy. Quite the opposite.

The YCC received a fair amount of criticisms from both the sexes. The car was designed such that “a special place was provided in the floor, right ahead of the shag carpet, for high heels, so women drivers don't cause accidents wearing frilly and impractical shoes”, and a “warning system to remind women when to head for the shop when the oil needs changing—apparently another issue the YCC team found difficult for typical female drivers to cope with”. Quoting a female journalist, “They're telling us exactly what men used to say, that we women are lousy drivers, and likely to slam into the wall of the garage.”

What does that mean? Women do not want men-designed cars, yet they feel insulted with a women-designed car. Women seem to be saying, “We are not lousy drivers, period. Even if we are, we do not need men to tell us that and we will drive what the men drive.”

A quick search on the web revealed that there have not been much studies on the gender differences in driving, at least they are not found readily on the net. Some sources attribute this difference to social norms and stereotypes, as in women are portrayed as passive, unskillful and mechanics-idiot, as opposed to men who are aggressive and skillful.

I guess there is nothing wrong about being a woman plus being a lousy driver. This has got nothing to do with intelligence or what-so-ever, although I agree that being alert and having good coordination do help.

Frankly speaking, I seldom check out drivers on the road, but the general idea I get is that the truly reckless and complacent drivers usually turn out to be men and there are some lady drivers who really make you wonder how they ever got their license. But there are reckless lady drivers and careful gentlemen on the roads too.

So it seems driving has nothing to do with gender, or so it appears. But, reasonably speaking, I believe different sexes do excel in different areas, to a certain extent. Is driving one of this area?

So much for driving, and that reminds me of my third driving lesson tomorrow. HELP!

What's so important in your handphone?

Have you ever gone out with a friend, either to have a meal or shopping, or just simply meeting up, and your friend keeps looking at and fingering his handphone?

You and your friend may be walking side by side, but you feel like you are walking alone because your friend is constantly on the phone or sending smses?

You are probably not alone.

Perhaps, people nowadays are too busy. Time is so precious that we have to multi-task at any one time. We talk on the phone while typing on the computer. We talk to people while smsing. We read documents while eating.

We feel good about ourselves after that because we have spent the same amount of time to complete two or more tasks. We claim proudly, “We are efficient!”

But, perhaps you have missed a certain important part of the conversation with your friend on the other side of the phone line, while you were intently concentrating on the typing. Or you have missed typing a line, because your friend was saying something interesting that caught your attention.

People who are “well seasoned” with multi-tasking may argue, “I am so good at it, such things do not happen to me.”

Really? Not once? But how does your friend feel about it? Have you ever thought about that?

Let’s think of an imaginary (yet perhaps somewhat familiar) scenario.

>> A and B are out shopping together. A’s handphone rings and A picks up the call.

“Hi, C! How are you doing? Oh, I am out shopping……” B walks alongside A, looks at clothes in the display windows and looks at passersby.

“Oh yes! The last time I was telling you about that show, we should go watch it soon…”
B wonders who called A, B looks at clothes and looks at passersby again.

“My work is draining me, my boss gives me all the hard work to do……”
B looks at the watch, looks at the floor, looks at the ceiling, looks at A and wonders when A is ever going to put down the phone.

Finally, A puts down the call. B heaves a sigh of relief.
“Oh, am so sorry!” A apologizes (happily).
“It’s…okie…” B manages a smile. How else can B react?
“Let’s go shopping! Oh, but let me send this sms first!”
A takes out the handphone and fingers with it again. B stares in disbelief. <<

Are you thinking, B should really find something to entertain himself, while waiting for A to be done with the calls and smses? Well, if B wanted to do something on his own, he would not be out with A, and he would be shopping on his own. What is the point of being out with a friend who is not with you? And how does it feel to go out with a friend and feel neglected half the time?

Let’s face it, if this only happens once or twice during a gathering, we should not be so petty about it, because we are perhaps guilty of it too. But, if happens constantly throughout the entire trip, it is hard not to wonder, “Is your handphone, or whoever is on the other line, more important than me, who is standing right in front of you?”

I understand it is hard to put down the handphone especially in the case where somebody had called you. However, if you know that it might lead to a long chat, perhaps you should learn to excuse yourself and tell the other party you would call back. If the other party had asked you whether you are busy, and your reply was (or thought of replying), “No, not really, I am just out with a friend.” JUST? Perhaps, you should re-evaluate your priorities, and never ever let your friend know or hear that.

There may be far more important things for you to do, and out with a casual friend may not be on your *important things to do* list. But, when you are out with a friend, or a group of friends, be fully present. Try not to be pre-occupied with what you have to do after saying goodbye to your friend, who you have to call in an hour’s time, how to type that report due for submission etc. And for goodness’s sake, “dump” that handphone, unless it is really urgent business.

It is tough and I am guilty of this too, but for our friends’ sake, let’s just work on it.

Money VS Interest

As university examinations drew to a close a few weeks ago, it has come to the time of the year when the job hunt starts and many graduates begin considering questions like: what kind of jobs to look for? How high paying are they? And of course, the important century-old debate: should we go for our interest or for money?

In my opinion, “for interest” means that we choose a job that we really like and it makes us psychologically satisfied, but the catch is, it does not pay that well. “For money” means that we choose a job that is not exactly what we would choose to do (if given a choice, and neglecting money aspects) but it makes our pockets bulge with notes. It generally makes us satisfied, material-wise.

Simply put, “interest” resembles our dreams and ambitions, “money” stands for practically—bread and butter.

We sometimes read stories about rich and capable middle-aged CEOs and managers who quit their high-paying cushy jobs to go into volunteer work or education sector etc. Some say that, “this is what I have always wanted to do.” I often wonder, does that mean they chose money over interest when they first started working, and they have realized interest is more important to them than money? Or is it now that they have earned enough, they have the ability to embrace their interests?
Is money so important that it will deter us from pursuing our interests?

I think the answer is both yes, and no.

I admit that as I have not yet joined the work force, the notion (and importance) of money is still not so clear to me. While studying, most students only had to concentrate on studying and parents give them monthly allowance. They have simply no money woes. For some, they do part time jobs or give tuition to support themselves through college, pay phone bills, or to supplement their shopping and entertainment costs etc. However, once they step (or are about to step) into the working world, money issues start to come in, and suddenly, everything seemed to require a lot of money.

When faced with the job dilemma, one part of them says, “This job is what I am interested in, but I cannot earn much in it. I will not be able to earn enough for a car, a house, to support my parents and to start a family a few years down the road. Should I go for money instead?”

The other part says, “I have no worries and little commitments now, if I do not go for my interest, I may never do so again once I have more obligations and responsibilities towards my family. Should I go for interest then?”

It is indeed a dilemma, isn’t it?

If I were to choose for myself at this point of time, I would choose interest over money. Who does not want to do something he really likes? I think while we are still young and can afford to pursue our interests (because we general have less commitment), we should choose a career that we are interested in. Perhaps later on, for monetary or other reasons, we have to reprioritize our interests, but at least we have tried it, and there will be no regrets.

Jobseekers seem to be standing at a crossroad, one path goes for interest, the other goes for money. There is an important choice to be made. But, is there really a choice? Sometimes not, I think. So I say, while you are able to make a choice, do it or at least try for it.

Money is never enough, but we only have one chance at our life.

For interest or for money, what’s your choice?

University guys are whining babies?

It seems like being a man can be quite tough these days.

There has been a lot of talk lately targeted on local university male students. I read with interest in one of the local newspaper which interviewed female undergraduates and graduates on their opinions of their fellow male peers. To my surprise, of the 100 interviewees who participated in the opinion poll, 70 % of them felt that male undergraduates are whiners.

Oh really? My eyebrows rose. This seems too much like a sweeping statement to me.

I am not speaking up for male undergraduates and I do agree that there are really some black sheep who are immature in their thinking and love to whine. However, I believe these are just the minority of the male undergraduates. At the very least, most of the guys that I know in university are not whiners.

In the newspaper interview, some examples of immature guys that female undergraduates could not stand include: those who stay in hostel but rely on their girlfriend or parents to tidy up their rooms, make their girlfriend wash their dirty clothes (including soiled underwear), or guys who conveniently shun project work, do not do their tutorials and simply copy from others, guys who ask their female classmates for answers during tutorials just in case the tutor questions them and they will not give a silly answer, guys who have a question to ask the tutor but instead “encourage” the girls to do it for them. And the list goes on. One interviewee even cited an example of a guy who cried because of a disagreement during a committee meeting.

All these may be true experiences that some female undergraduates have seen or heard of the male students. These may also be the behaviour of some male undergraduates which irked their female schoolmates.

But, are these examples exclusive to guys? Do some girls not behave in this way as well? Why do girls react so strongly against guys who act in these ways? If I have a female and male friend who both cried during a committee meeting (this seems like a rather ridiculous and hilarious example), my heart would probably go out to the girl, console her and feel sorry for her being upset. As for the guy, I probably think, “my goodness! You are such a big man and yet you cry over such a small thing? You are so immature!”

Why do we set a relatively higher tolerance level for girls who whine, but slam guys who do so? Could it be because we expect too much from the guys?

In Singapore, when girls embark on their university studies, their fellow male freshmen are usually two years older, since all local guys have to go through National Service for about two years before going to university (unless they are disrupted due to scholarships or for other reasons).

Perhaps, it is because of this age difference (between the undergraduate guys and the girls in the same cohort) that makes it natural for the girls to think that the guys they meet in class and tutorials should be more mature in their thinking, have more confidence and have more opinions to share. And whining is a definite “no no”.

Perhaps, it is also because of the stereotypical views we have on guys: they should be stronger in mind, and in face of adversity, they should brace up and not succumb to it, much less reduce themselves to whining babies. As for girls, we tend to give ourselves and others more “allowance”: we need not always hold up a strong front, if things get too tough, it is fine to whine and cry a bit.

Some people may feel that all these talk about male undergraduates being whiners are nonsensical and senseless. I think it may well end up in a cross fire between the guys and girls, with each party saying “nasty” things (which may not be necessarily be true) about the other.

I feel that there is no point in bringing down the entire group of male undergraduates, make them appear in bad light in the media, much less portray them as whiners. Perhaps, everyone has a different phase of growing up; a whining boy today will grow up to be a mature young man later on, similarly for a whining girl. Let’s just hope the black sheep will grow up, and soon that is.

Don’t you have a watch?

When I was in junior college, whenever we have an ECA meeting, there would be a general secretary who would be in charge of taking attendance. If we were late, we would be noted, and accumulation of a number of these notes would result in an “exclusive” meeting with our ECA teacher. It does not help that this teacher is reasonably strict and fierce. As a result, as expected, most of us are always punctual, if not early, for these meetings.

Being someone who usually keeps to time, this system does not affect me greatly. But some of my friends who are frequently late would complain about the system being too rigid and stringent. When our ECA term ended, we still have occasional meetings to discuss about some outstanding issues. It was then that I realized the motivation for implementing the strict rules on punctuality.

When we arranged for a meeting at 2 pm, people strolled in at 2.15 pm, 2.30 pm or some even as late as 3 pm! Their reasons?

“Oh, my class ended late.”
“I had to discuss something with my friend.”
“The bus was too slow.”
“I woke up late.”
All kinds of reasons or simply no reason at all.

I was rather surprised by this sudden change in attitude. I thought, “We have been ‘trained’ for so long to be punctual and to keep to time, why is it that punctuality is still not instilled in so many? Do we really need to have rules all the time to make people keep to their time?”

To bring things back to our daily life, do you often have to wait for your friends when you meet up with them?

Here’s my common experience.

My friends and I have arranged to meet up at 1 pm. Depending on the location of the meeting place, by 12 plus, I am all ready and out of the house. I look at my watch, “oh I might be a few minutes late, perhaps I should walk a little faster.” So, I begin on a little marathon and I reach the meeting place on the dot, panting slightly. Here comes the “exciting” part of the story. No one was in sight. “Did I remember the wrong time?” I check my watch again. *Beep Beep* My handphone starts to beep.

[I will b a bit late, sori!]

A few minutes later, another *Beep Beep* from another friend.

[am still on my way, y not u guys go ahead, and I come look for u all later?]

“u guys?” Nope. There was no one else here, just me alone. Did we not set the meeting time at 2 pm? Why am I the only one on time?

I lamented to a friend the other day. Why set a meeting time when everyone is going to be late? Is being on time a sin? If not, why do the ones who are punctual always end up like a fool, wasting their time just to wait for the late comers?

I have some friends who are perpetual late comers. Sometimes we joked about telling them that the meeting time is 3.30 pm if we are meeting at 4 pm, so that they will have an allowance of half an hour to be late, but still turn up on time to meet the rest. But, we usually just joked about it. Why? I always have faith in my friends that although they are usually not punctual, they are probably going to change, so I will put my trust in them one more time. And this “one more time” just goes on and on and on.

I am usually patient when waiting for friends to turn up for a meeting, but there is a limitation to the patience and tolerance for latecomers. It is worse if you yourself have rushed down to a meeting place either in sprints and in sweat or in taxis, and your friends turn up late. You start telling yourself, “if I had known they would be late, I wouldn’t have rushed. And if they had known they would be late, they should have told me earlier!” And it seems that some people just do not know that they would be late, even though they are always late.

Punctuality is not just about being on time. When everyone is on time, it shows that we value one another’s time. To put it simply, it is a form of respect for your friends. Also, if you are perpetually late, what does it show of you as a person?

I am no saint. Sometimes I might be late too, but I make an attempt to be early the next time. That’s how we improve, isn’t it?

If you know that you have the bad habit of being late, plan your time better so that you can be on time. If you know the bus is slow, take an earlier bus. If you know you will be tied down by work or project meetings, set a time convenient for yourself and not make empty promises. Better still, get a watch with a large clock face to remind yourself to keep to time.

Why wait till someone has to ask you, “don’t you have a watch?!?”?

I am Mummy's girl: I go home for dinner

When I was in secondary school, my mother was often busy with work and very seldom cooked dinner. Often, I had to settle my own dinner, either cook, eat outside or pack takeaways home to eat. This meant that my family hardly sat down to eat together. Usually my siblings and I ate on our own, and my parents returned home late with takeaways as well.

I remembered mentioning to a friend before that the only time my family really had dinner together was during the annual Chinese New Year reunion dinner. That dinner had a lot of meaning because it was truly a once-in-a-year REUNION DINNER.

During that time, as I often had to eat dinner on my own, it was quite easy for me to go for last-minute impromptu dinners with my friends. For instance, a friend might just suggest going for dinner together after we ended lessons, and it was hardly a problem for me. At that time, I could not understand why some of my friends would hesitate and said they are going home for dinner.
“He/She is such a Mummy’s boy/girl!” I often thought to myself.

I thought it was so easy to dial a phone call home to tell your mother you are eating outside. Just make a phone call. As easy as that!

When I went to university, my mother’s work became lighter and she could afford the time to get off work earlier and go home to cook dinner. It sounded like such a wonderful thing to be able to eat home-cooked food again. But, to tell the truth, I took some time to get used to this “new” arrangement. I was so used to the freedom of choosing what time to reach home (because I did not have to get home in time for dinner) or what I want to eat for dinner etc. Suddenly, I was deprived of this “freedom” and I was transformed into a modern Cinderella who had to reach home in time…for dinner! And yes, for a while it felt awkward to turn into a Mummy’s girl.

Initially, I felt quite embarrassed to tell my friends that I have to leave early from an outing or meeting, or turn down a dinner invitation because I had to go home…for dinner. Somehow, like a horse that has had its reins released for so long, it feels weird to be tied back to the stables. It sounds ridiculous to think in that way, but I guessed it is the same as a growing up child who refuses to let his mother hold his hands on the streets because he does not want to appear like a Mummy’s boy, and worse still to be spotted by his friends.

Now, my mother cooks dinner regularly for about 4-5 times a week and she gets “off-days” when the three children are eating out.

It is hard to describe how lucky I feel when, after perhaps a hard day in school, I know that my mother is coming home to cook dinner. (My mother can cook pretty well, but that is besides the point) This meant that at least my family will get to share some time together almost every day. Although we eat in front of the television, and laugh and comment on the shows instead of really chatting with one another, the feeling is still good. Really good. The feeling of just being together.

The other day, a friend described herself as “a child who goes home to eat dinner” and that is why she has a close relationship with her family. I thought that is so sweet and she is one everyone should be envious of. Some people might exclaim, “What? Going home to eat dinner makes her a person to be envious of?!?” In my opinion, yes, indeed. This might not mean anything when we were young, since most of us go home for dinner everyday, but as we grow older, our social life gets wider. We may set aside Monday to have dinner with our colleagues, Tuesday for dinner with friends, Wednesday with boyfriend, Thursday for overtime work, Friday to go out for movie, Saturday and Sunday to go out after a week of hard work…and…is there any time left for dinner at home? This may seem like an exaggerated list, but it might well be true for some. Which is why I say, people who make time for their family, and set their family at the top of the list ought to be applauded. At least I think so.

I am really glad my mother comes home to cook dinner nowadays, because it has made me a much more family-oriented person, and made me value my family more. I prefer to meet my friends for lunch, if possible, rather than for dinner so that I can be home for my mother’s home cooked food. As far as possible, I try to choose the days when my mother is not cooking to meet my friends for dinner. When I have something on on the days when my mother is planning to cook dinner, I often feel a little guilty to “break the news” to her that I am not having dinner. From my mother’s perspective, I think this does not merely mean cooking rice or dishes for one less person. If you have tried whipping up a meal for your family but they are tied up with work or friends and decide not to come home for dinner, you might understand what I meant, and how your mother feels. (I tried and experienced it before!)

Today, I am not embarrassed to tell others that I am a Mummy’s girl who enjoys going home for dinner.

And, I am proud of it.

*winks*

Love your parents, and let them know you love them

I recently read this famous book called “Tuesdays with Morrie” by Mitch Albom. It was the first time I could remember tearing while reading a book. And I was not in the privacy of my room when I teared. I was standing in a crowded cabin on the MRT, holding the book and blinking my tears back. I guessed the story touched me and made me think a lot. Especially the parts about aging, separation and death.

I could still vividly remember when I was in Secondary Three, the thought of my parents growing old and dying came to me suddenly. I felt very sad after that and I could not seem to get the thoughts out of my mind. I looked at my father and mother, and realized how much they had aged. I could not recall the last time I had really looked at them, studied their wrinkles and appreciated their smiles. The thought of them leaving me one day disturbed me.

Fortunately or unfortunately, I managed to bury those thoughts and carried on with the fast pace in my life. I kept myself busy with studies, ECAs and friends. The thoughts of my parents aging and…dying…were packed and tucked away some where. Somehow these thoughts were then forgotten. After all, death is not something we talk (or think) about freely and openly.

The next time the thought of my parents growing old, and that one day our family is not going to stay the way we are now, came when my brother announced his plans to get married sometime two years ago. Of course I know that one day we (my brother, sister and I) are all going to grow up and start our own families. But something inside me is pleading…can’t we stay this way forever? Can’t we grow up but let my parents stay the way they are?

In the book “Tuesdays with Morrie”, Morrie is an old professor who suffered from a disease that slowly wiped his energy away. First, he could not no longer walk, then he could not pee by himself because he did not have the strength to support his weight. He slowly lost his independence and had to rely on others for everything, including feeding himself and moving his head to rest on the pillow. When asked about the issue of raising kids which people nowadays view as an obstacle to their career and life, Morrie said he would not trade the experience of having children for anything. But, it had a painful price to pay. That is, the pain of parting with his beloved children when he died. That really moved me.

Everyone grows old. This is inevitable. Dying and separation is also part and parcel of one’s life. Morrie is an extraordinary man who embraced aging and courageously faced his impending demise. In a way, he was lucky because he had the time to tell all his loved ones that he loved them, and they too shared their love for him. Most people are afraid to talk about death. We know that one day our loved ones may die and leave us, or we might leave them, but we tell ourselves that the “one day” will be some time far away. We know that although our parents are here with us now and we should not take them for granted, but we take them for granted anyway at times.

When Morrie attended a friend’s funeral and heard people saying how much they loved his friend, Morrie felt it was a great pity because his friend could no longer hear all that. Knowing he himself was dying, he arranged a “living funeral” so that all his loved ones could tell him things that they would have said on his funeral when he passed away. Not everyone is as lucky as Morrie. My point is, we do not need to know that someone is dying or dead to start telling him how much we loved him.

It is sad to live a life with regrets, so while we can, why do we not try to spend more time with our parents, talk to them more often, care for them and try to understand their thoughts? Instead of spending time watching television programmes which have absolutely no personal meaning to us, or playing computer games and chatting online? It is pointless to say that we have no time, or that we have a generation gap with our parents. If you have not really sat down to talk to your parents in days, months or even years, it is never too late to start bridging the gap. If we want to make something happen, we will surely find a way to do it, especially if it is a simple task of talking to our own parents. It may not mean much to us, but it may mean a great deal to them. We may have all the friends we have in the world to share our thoughts and feelings with, but the special relationship and bond we share with our parents is something no one can replace.

I am beginning to realize that not thinking about our parents’ aging and death will not stop that from happening.

Love your parents, and let them know you love them.

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